bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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