whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm too high and old for this...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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