The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
