i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
