just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
