I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
