If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
