Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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