Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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