I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
