matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
