i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
