Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
