so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
