why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
