I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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