It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
