Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
