He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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