He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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