i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need water and some morals
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
