i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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