At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
