Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
