My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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