Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
