he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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