Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
