Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
