yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
