Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
