The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
