my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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