When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
