1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
