Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
