i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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