Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
