There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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