I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How external is "for external use only"?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
