The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
