no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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