Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
