we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
