From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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