Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
