I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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