i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
