Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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