Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
